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It has been written, so it shall be.... The STRAIGHT MAN CODE OF ETHICS
(Note: I have been assured by gay buddies that 90% of the code still
applies)

1. Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolat.

2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.

3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call BULLSHIT . (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent).

7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is
off-limits forever.

8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's
running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

9. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator
is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man.
In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and
slightly gay.

11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is
trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

12. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission
and he, in return is required to grant it.

13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem, you didn't see nothin'.

15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

17. Your girlfriend must bond with your buddy's girlfriends within
30 minutes of meeting them. You are not required to make nice with her gal pals' significant friends - low-level sports bonding is all the law requires.

18. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may
always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

19. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney
friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.

20. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach...and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.

21. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

22. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.

23. If a buddy is outnumbered, out-manned, or too drunk to fight, you
must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his
actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good
ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.

24. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!" "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!" "Another set and we can hit the showers." "Nice ass, are you a
Sagittarius?"

25. Even if both your legs are completely frostbitten from hours or
frigid temperatures, under NO circumstance should a man ever say the
following four words, "my feet are cold."

26. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

27. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be referring
to his beer.

28. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when
she's withholding sex pending your response.

29. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.

30. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may
not join him...too gay.
 

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Yuck Foo
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I have read those before too....

The only one I partially disagree with is number 16. You may own a cat if it's purpose is to get chicks to come back to your place to play with the kitty. Then you must offer them alcoholic beverages. :D
 

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SidVicious said:
I have read those before too....

The only one I partially disagree with is number 16. You may own a cat if it's purpose is to get chicks to come back to your place to play with the kitty. Then you must offer them alcoholic beverages. :D
Lemme guess, do you own a cat Sid? :D
 

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vince said:

Lemme guess, do you own a cat Sid? :D
Hey dumbasses LOL I have a cat .... always remember:

Kitty begets kitty....


nuff said LOL
 

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Yuck Foo
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vince said:

Lemme guess, do you own a cat Sid? :D
I did when I was in college. The women loved to come out to pet the kitty. I let them pet my kitty so long as I got to pet theirs. :laugh:

Currently, I don't own a cat, but my mother does. It is the most vocal cat I've ever seen. Sometimes I want to kick it. :p
 

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NO AMG, NO CARE
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SidVicious said:


I did when I was in college. The women loved to come out to pet the kitty. I let them pet my kitty so long as I got to pet theirs. :laugh:
point noted.

To do tommorow : Go to pet store and pick up cat.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
CL-S-Bo said:
Cats annoy me. Get a dog for crying out loud!
I hate dogs, too sloppy and a majority of people are sometimes afraid of them. I want something that a majority of people are NOT afraid of.
 

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Im allergic to cats. And they piss all over the place.:bash:
 

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Driven said:


I hate dogs, too sloppy and a majority of people are sometimes afraid of them. I want something that a majority of people are NOT afraid of.
Cats are scary too! With their sharp claws, evil hissing, evil eyes, and sharp, razor-like teeth! :eek: Didn't you ever see that one movie... with the cats... where they turn all evil and kill people!? Cats are scary, evil creatures. :sqnteek:
 

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Discussion Starter #16
CL-S-Bo said:


Cats are scary too! With their sharp claws, evil hissing, evil eyes, and sharp, razor-like teeth! :eek: Didn't you ever see that one movie... with the cats... where they turn all evil and kill people!? Cats are scary, evil creatures. :sqnteek:
Didn't you see that one movie w/ the spiders and they are evil and kill people? :sqnteek:

Also, I believe there are a couple movies out there w/ dogs being evil.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
raia_CL said:


it's a movie, dork. saint bernard/some big dog goes crazy and hurts people.
Who you calling a 'dork' Willis?

Yes, I knew it was a movie. I was testing you. :rolleyes:
 
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